Realistic New York City Snow Globes

Winter never looked so gritty!

4 min readNov 26, 2023

Written by Ian Goldstein and Marissa Maciel, Illustrated by Marissa Maciel

Bundled Up Pooch Snow Globe

A sausage doggy is bundled in a red parka dog suit, and dog goggles, and walking in the wintry sidewalk with little booties on.

Precious pooches still have to get walked in the New York city snow. Well, shuffled — what with the parka, doggie goggles, and booties bundled up on the pup. While you look at this snow globe perched on your shelf you’ll realize you could never be as tough as a NYC dog peeing outside in the winter.

Icy Pizza Snow Globe

A person slips on the black ice on the sidewalk, with a shocked expression as they see their pizza slice lie face-down on the pavement in the snow.

Pizza and New York? A delicious match made in heaven! Pizza and ice? A greasy death trap! New York pizza can be so delicious that people won’t look where they’re walking. Shake the snow globe to watch a desperate diner lose their slice again and again. As the snow swirls around them, imagine them saying, “Oh no, my beautiful pizza!” and, “My leg isn’t broken, but my pizza and my dreams are!”

Cost-Conscious Seasonal Depression Snow Globe

A person sadly looks on to the bare light bulb display at a light store, as the yellow glow shines on their face.

Seasonal affective disorder strikes in the wintertime in New York, too. But while many folks will spend money on SAD Lamps for their home, the smart New Yorkers stare at bare light bulbs in electrical shops for free. And guess what? This snow globe doubles as a seasonal depression lamp, too!

Greedy Landlord Snow Globe

A landlord stands stubbornly over a radiator, covered in ice.

What says “New York City” more than a landlord refusing to turn up the heat in an apartment? This snowglobe has recorded audio of a real NYC landlord saying: “You think this is cold?! It’s at least two degrees warmer than it is outside!”, “Ever heard of putting on a coat before you go to bed?” and, “By the way, I’m raising your rent next month.”

Steamy Café Snow Globe

A person wearing a bath towel on on their head and body, with warm boots and sunglasses and nothing else, walks out of a steamy coffee shop into the wintery streets of the city, coffee cup in hand.

The city’s cafés are bustling in the winter with coffee lovers sipping espressos, but the steam also drips on the windows inside! When you can’t stand the thought of sweltering under layers of down parkas and wooly scarves while waiting for your macchiato, pick up this globe instead, and remember that special NYC café-slash-sauna experience.

Mystery-Puddle Snow Globe

A boot nearly misses stepping into a green-ish puddle of unknown origin on the subway floor.

Could that puddle be melted snow? Sure! Could it be a bodily fluid? Maybe yes! This special globe will remind you of all the mystery puddles you’ll try to avoid as the subway gets soaked during these chilly months.

Rats Feasting On Chestnuts Snow Globe

A couple of rats and their yummy faces stand around a steamy bag of chestnuts.

The essence of New York in the wintertime: the sight of roasted chestnuts from an unregistered food cart, being nibbled on by some local rats. Give the globe a jostle to see the rats scurry away as the food cart vendor puts those half-eaten chestnuts back into the mix!

Too Comfortable Winter Joggers Snow Globe

Two joggers wearing running outfits move through a snowy park, while a very bundled-up person looks on in amazement.

Most New Yorkers are bundled up in the snow trudging through the park — freezing. But these runners act like it’s perma-summer. Judge them forever with this snow globe. Shake it up and make it snow harder — see if you can break them like winter broke you!

Winter Commuter Snow Globe

A person holds on to their red sled while they zip past cars in the street.

E-scooters? CitiBikes? Uber? No! Only the savviest New Yorkers know that the best way to get around NYC in the winter is to sled in and around traffic. Who needs open suburban roads when you have honking cabs and screaming pedestrians begging you to get out of the street?

Ridiculously Expensive Skating

A nearly-naked person stands on the ice, while other skaters move around and look on.

The quintessential New York wintertime experience — ice skating in Rockefeller Center! This snow globe captures the wonderful, and outrageously expensive, fun you basically had to sell the clothes off your back to afford. Sure you might get frost-bite, but isn’t that what winter in New York City is all about?

Marissa Maciel and Ian Goldstein are humor writers with works in New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Points in Case, and many other great publications! Ian is also a performer, producer, and editor, and appears on stage and on-air. Marissa is also an illustrator with works in The Belladonna’s, McSweeney’s, New Yorker, Weekly Humorist, and more.