Proven Recipes for the Next (Current? Never-ending?) Pandemic

Marissa Maciel
4 min readAug 26, 2021

By Meghan O’Neill and Marissa Maciel

Is it me or does it seem like the recent Covid Delta “variant” is less a “variant” and more “the next wave of Corona that will keep us indoors for another year”? Does the thought of having to figure out what to make for your next meal YET AGAIN give you hives? Wait, is hives a symptom of the Delta variant??

Anyway, here are my top recipes from this past year — hits that are sure to please throughout our next pandemic year, and every future pandemic year to come!

5 Hour Take a Walk to Relax Pot Roast

Person drenched in sweat standing next to a crock pot

Ingredients are chuck roast, parsley, carrots, onions, celery and water. And time. Lots of time.

Speed is the enemy. You know, I’m glad I didn’t throw the old crockpot away, even though Rick was begging me to. He hates “clutter,” but after a year cooped up together I’ve come to realize that I hate him.

Oops, we’re out of celery! Walk the long way to the grocery store, but once you’re there remember how you’re not able to bring yourself indoors anywhere but your own house, so walk back home. Ugh but Rick is there (always), so maybe take another walk? Five hours later and you’re ready to eat alone in your room. Rick can eat in the garage!

Losing My Mind Lasagna

Person standing over a lasagna, holding a banana and a face mask.

Ingredients are tomatoes…right? Lasagna has tomatoes. Except once I had a lasagna that was mostly spinach. At Theresa’s. No, Sharon’s…yeah.

Oh, also lasagna noodles, because this is where the dish gets its name! I think?

Cheese. Ba…sil? You know what, let me text Sharon and come back to this. I really have to stop reading the news at bedtime; maybe then I’ll actually sleep.

Rent Is Due Stew

Person pouring soda and orange juice into a stew pot on the stove.

Ingredients include whatever is left in the fridge and pantry.

Marissa Maciel

Writer, Illustrator. Work in Points in Case, Weekly Humorist, Entropy Magazine, New Yorker Tiny Shouts, McSweeney’s, and more! All work ->