If You Give A Kid A Free Lunch…

By Marissa Maciel

“The Waukesha Board of Education opted out of a federal program in June that gives all students free lunch. Waukesha was the only district in the state to opt out…. Karin Rajnicek, a board member said, “I feel like this is a big problem, and it’s really easy to get sucked into and become spoiled and think, it’s not my problem any more, it’s everyone else’s problem to feed my children.” Darren Clark, assistant superintendent for business services, said there could be a “slow addiction” to the service.” — “Waukesha School District Opts Out Of Lunch Program, Rally Planned”

If you give a kid a free lunch, he’s going to want free textbooks at school.

If he gets free textbooks, he’ll want a college education free from tuition debt.

When he gets free college tuition, he’ll graduate — on time — with a great education.

Next, he’ll want universal basic income.

And when he gets universal basic income, he’ll need a place to stay. Which means he’ll want affordable housing.

When he gets affordable housing, he’ll probably want to make sure he is taken care of, in case he gets sick.

He’s going to want universal healthcare.

Once he gets universal healthcare, he’ll feel pretty good about things.

And that means he’ll want to start a family.

When he starts his family, he’ll want his children to go to a well-funded public school.

And when his children go to their well-funded public school —

they’re going to want a free lunch!

Marissa Maciel is a writer and illustrator, and has been published at The New Yorker Daily Shouts, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Belladonna Comedy, The Weekly Humorist, Points In Case, and more!