Holiday Cheers!

Like having your very own sommelier for the holidays

Marissa Maciel
5 min readDec 17, 2020


What plans do you have for this winter holiday season? Sledding? Caroling? Sure, sounds great if you like being outside.

In the weather.

Come on, now! Sloshing around with your mouth wide open is going to lead you nowhere but inside, cold and thirsty — and still, with so much to do. Here’s a guide for pairing up some traditional holiday activities with libations that will get you in the spirit.*

A wrapped box in gold paper, with a lit tree in the background.

Wrapping Presents — Do you think Candy Spelling had a wine fridge in her gift-wrapping room in that mansion? I think so. In fact, I bet Candy demanded to be served a sweet wine whilst sitting on her present-wrapping chaise lounge, because nothing says, “I can’t do this, you wrap it for me,” like the horrendous buzz you get from a cold glass of Sauternes.

Frosting Cookies — When we talk about decorating cookies we really mean slapping on some frosting (with sprinkles, if you’re fancy) and eating them so quickly you’re left wondering, who ate all the cookies?

Well, that’s what I’m talking about!

What a great ‘activity’ to pair with a great cup of coffee, and a dousing of peppermint schnapps. You’ll be so strung out on sugar, caffeine, and alcohol you’ll upgrade to eating frosting right out of the bowl! Who needs cookies anymore!!!

…but, if there are any cookies left over try to match the body of the rocking-horse cookie with the head of the Santa Claus cookie, to make a rocking-Santa-centaur. Pro-tip!

Visiting Other People’s Family — A gift is always the thing to bring when meeting someone’s family, especially when you’re taking up space on their sofa and getting their pets worked up merely by your presence. In this era of the plague, we’re going to assume that you’re all quarantined-up and have been tested and maybe you’re wearing masks too just because you love your friends so much…



Marissa Maciel

Writer, Illustrator. Work in Points in Case, Weekly Humorist, Entropy Magazine, New Yorker Tiny Shouts, McSweeney’s, and more! All work ->